Person of the Year
When I heard the news that I was proclaimed Person of the Year for 2006 I was thrilled. I would grace history on the same list with Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi and John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. Well, there was Stalin too. And Hitler. But I would do my best to be one of the good guys.
I bought Time Magazine to see myself reflected in the glory of the front page.
“You,” it said. “Yes, you. You control the Information Age. Welcome to your world.”
I have to admit that I don’t quite live up to the image of a controller. I am not one of 120 million myspace inhabitants; I have never seen an envelope from Netflix in my mailbox and I have just begun to download iTunes. But I do keep up to date with MyFamily.com and several groups on Yahoo. I take online classes in anything from “Ancient China” to “Scrapbooking.” My connections to CNet, Travelocity, Bookcrossing, and Virtual Tourist are well known. Occasionally I shop on ebay. Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble have my full financial backing. Periodically I engage in online dialog with AT&T and Waste Management, and several banking institutions. My screen glows past midnight and my mouse gets very little sleep. And yes, of course I use google, or as our president says “The Google.”
Am I interactive? You bet. The list of my Favorite Places has grown to more than 300. You should see the amount of temporary Internet files I had to delete the other day. Well, I stock more cookies than Safeway keeps on their shelves. Yes, I am definitely interactive, though I wouldn’t call it “in control.” More often than not my “Submit” button pays a bill or asks a question.
To verify my compatibility with others who really control the Information Age, and to show my solidarity with the New World Order, I clicked on youtube.com. I wanted to see in which way ”a couple of regular guys built a company that changed the way we see ourselves.” (Time magazine says so!) It took a while to load the page because I don’t have a fast connection; I still use my telephone line. What came up on the screen was not at all what I expected. As I read the captions to the featured videos of the day I became discouraged. This is how control of the Information Age is exercised? How can I be part of this world?
The first video was entitled “A stop motion battle between two friends turned enemies.” It had been viewed 564,844 times. The number two spot was taken by “Handfarting the Star Spangled Banner,” viewed 102,237 times. A third video reported on “Spit Art” viewed 212, 397 times.
I do want to belong to the “Generation Network.” I promise to listen to streaming radio and to download podcasts once I get a DSL or broadband connection. To show my sincere efforts in communicating my thoughts, I have acquired this blog. Though I will probably never outshine 54-year old Harriet Klausner from Georgia who has written 12,896 book reviews on Amazon.com, more than any other user, I, too, have lots of things to say. My three- inch “work in progress” binder is filled with more than 500,000 words.
As pacifist I can’t produce a fight video and I don’t have enough spit to draw a landscape on the sidewalk, but this morning, after several minutes of practice, I produced a faint, somewhat sweaty sound with my hands – I think it could be counted as a genuine Person of the Year handfart. Thank goodness, I am starting to belong.
When I heard the news that I was proclaimed Person of the Year for 2006 I was thrilled. I would grace history on the same list with Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi and John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. Well, there was Stalin too. And Hitler. But I would do my best to be one of the good guys.
I bought Time Magazine to see myself reflected in the glory of the front page.
“You,” it said. “Yes, you. You control the Information Age. Welcome to your world.”
I have to admit that I don’t quite live up to the image of a controller. I am not one of 120 million myspace inhabitants; I have never seen an envelope from Netflix in my mailbox and I have just begun to download iTunes. But I do keep up to date with MyFamily.com and several groups on Yahoo. I take online classes in anything from “Ancient China” to “Scrapbooking.” My connections to CNet, Travelocity, Bookcrossing, and Virtual Tourist are well known. Occasionally I shop on ebay. Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble have my full financial backing. Periodically I engage in online dialog with AT&T and Waste Management, and several banking institutions. My screen glows past midnight and my mouse gets very little sleep. And yes, of course I use google, or as our president says “The Google.”
Am I interactive? You bet. The list of my Favorite Places has grown to more than 300. You should see the amount of temporary Internet files I had to delete the other day. Well, I stock more cookies than Safeway keeps on their shelves. Yes, I am definitely interactive, though I wouldn’t call it “in control.” More often than not my “Submit” button pays a bill or asks a question.
To verify my compatibility with others who really control the Information Age, and to show my solidarity with the New World Order, I clicked on youtube.com. I wanted to see in which way ”a couple of regular guys built a company that changed the way we see ourselves.” (Time magazine says so!) It took a while to load the page because I don’t have a fast connection; I still use my telephone line. What came up on the screen was not at all what I expected. As I read the captions to the featured videos of the day I became discouraged. This is how control of the Information Age is exercised? How can I be part of this world?
The first video was entitled “A stop motion battle between two friends turned enemies.” It had been viewed 564,844 times. The number two spot was taken by “Handfarting the Star Spangled Banner,” viewed 102,237 times. A third video reported on “Spit Art” viewed 212, 397 times.
I do want to belong to the “Generation Network.” I promise to listen to streaming radio and to download podcasts once I get a DSL or broadband connection. To show my sincere efforts in communicating my thoughts, I have acquired this blog. Though I will probably never outshine 54-year old Harriet Klausner from Georgia who has written 12,896 book reviews on Amazon.com, more than any other user, I, too, have lots of things to say. My three- inch “work in progress” binder is filled with more than 500,000 words.
As pacifist I can’t produce a fight video and I don’t have enough spit to draw a landscape on the sidewalk, but this morning, after several minutes of practice, I produced a faint, somewhat sweaty sound with my hands – I think it could be counted as a genuine Person of the Year handfart. Thank goodness, I am starting to belong.
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